Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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