My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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