I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
