I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
