I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize