Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Holy sore nipples Batman
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
