Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
