Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
