You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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