the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
