Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
