Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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