there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
