This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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