Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
