We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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