hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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