she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
