is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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