I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
