I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
