youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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