My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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