Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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