The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
a search helicopter?!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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