yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
