I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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