we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
