We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
