She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
