You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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