the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
