Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
