I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
