when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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