Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
