well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
