Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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