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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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