By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
