Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
