Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
