I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
