Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you would pick up someone in the library
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
