i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
