i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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