we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is wine microwaveable?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
