my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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