Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize