it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
