cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
