How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
