Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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