At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The uberlube is also flammable
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
