Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize