Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
