Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
