I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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