she woke up with a sticky ear
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
