I skipped work to stalk him.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize