So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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