Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
