I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
