well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
