god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
