I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
