I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
