I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
