i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
