oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
