i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
