I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
now i know why i became what i already was.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
