I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
